Yes, I am now in hiding and this is GOODBYE! What does it all mean? Read on:
Some of you know how hard I tried to “retire” from my career as a forensic assessor, due primarily to my own indecision and back-pedaling. I wanted to leave it all behind, but… did I really? To be quite honest, there were many pleasing aspects to my job that I hated to give up. On a superficial level, I loved exploring the shops and restaurants in new cities; but it was far more meaningful to meet the people who needed my help and to educate lawyers, courts, and juries as to their needs. What I didn’t love was the rushed schedule, air travel in general, lonely hotel living, and the stress of testimony. Weighing all of this, I saw that the scale had tipped to the negative and I would therefore retire. But… permanently?? That was the question.
So, like a lot of big decisions in my life, I decided to back into it gradually, leaving the door open to walk straight out again. This meant I could take a few consulting jobs, but was free to pack away my test protocols and booklets. Then I cancelled my post office box, opting to use my home address for the now diminished professional mail. Finally, this past year, I dropped my office phone and retired the fax machine. This took real courage, since it represented the final step in my very slooooow decision-making process.
How do I like retirement? I love it! Like many people in my position, I wonder how I ever found the time to work! My day is very full – or at least, as full as I want it to be. No more freeway traffic, no interminable airport waiting, no weather screw-ups, no nothing – except what I WANT to fit into my days.
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There was a woman who worked for me, only very part-time, as a preschool assessor. It so happened that she lived in my home town and had a son in the same grade as mine. What I recall most about “Melanie” was that whenever I saw her driving around town, she had a big smile on her face. I used to wonder how anyone could be THAT happy and dreamed up all kinds of possible reasons for it: she was crazy, a phony, on drugs, or really really satisfied in some aspect of her life (!) Over time, I realized that she was, quite simply, a very nice woman with a super-cheery disposition. The smiles were genuine. The contrast between us was striking. While I drove like a madwoman to and from work and then rushed to my son’s school and games fixated only on task completion, Melanie was truly enjoying the identical phase of her life.
Well, now that I’m in professional hiding and my retirement seems to be “sticking,” I am the one driving around town smiling at nothing – unsolicited and unprovoked smiling. And I don’t care whether people think I’m crazy or drug-addicted, not one bit!
And so I now retire my blog… FINALLY!
It has been a joy sharing my thoughts and experiences with you for the past two and one-half years, but it’s time to move on. I commend all those professionals (and non-professionals too) who work tirelessly for justice and champion the underdog even when it’s politically and socially difficult. I also honor the gifted teachers who nurture and support EVERY successful person, and the great parents everywhere who raise moral and compassionate children. You are my heroes!
Dr. Nan
(c) 12/19/15